I can't think of how many times I've wanted something. I wanted it so bad that I could taste it. It was on every breath. I could envision it. I fixated on it. It would almost become real to me. Then I'd get that something, only to realize I never really wanted it.
All that hype, all that time wasted wishing, the energy I used to get that something, was all for naught. Ugh! The agony. No matter how much I tried to want that something I thought I wanted so bad, it continually brought me to absolute dissatisfaction. I'd be left with quiet musings of the popular song "I can't get no... dun, dun, dun, dun-SATISFACTION, dun, dun, dun, dun..." and so on playing in my head as I would drearily wonder why I ever wanted that something in the first place.
BUT! Isn't it cool that God gives us what we NEED! Not what we want. He knows better than we do that that thing we thought we wanted so bad, that SOMETHING or SOMEONE wasn't what we actually NEEDED. That what we actually need will bring us true satisfaction. What we need will bring us to a place of gratitude rather than frustration.
Then, once God gives us what we need, He helps us realize it's what we truly wanted all along. It's what will fulfill us the most. It's what will strengthen us the most. It's what will bless us the most. When God gives us something, it will change our life, and then help us change our world!
Why? Because that's what He wants. He wants to see the change in us "both to work, and to do for His good pleasure" as we tarry on in this life. He wants to bless us with the things that will be most beneficial to us. He loves us. He knows exactly what's best for us. How reassuring is that? It refreshes my soul to know He loves me enough to meet my needs, and then help me see that what He wants for me is what I want for me. I can think of many, many, many times in my life that I wanted something so bad, and never received it. I had hoped for it, worked for it, and even prayed for it, and never got it.
Years back I met someone through a church function, and we became friends pretty fast. It wasn't long until we were very close. Hanging out all the time, sharing secrets, sharing stories and sharing our lives. It wasn't a perfect friendship. There were many ups and downs and at times I wondered how we'd become so close considering how different we were.
I was committed however to be a Godly friend to this woman, to encourage and exhort her in the Lord, and allow her to do the same for me. She had a precious heart. She was beautiful. She was funny. She loved Jesus. That's all I thought mattered. I was wrong. Years went by, and with them even more ups and downs, and some that we could never really right up.
Then suddenly after months of having very little communication a big confrontation occurred that brought our withered relationship back to full view. It was very difficult to muddle through it all, and I thought for a moment we could. I thought that I needed to love her, and be there for her, and work at our friendship. I felt she needed me, and I needed her.
I cried out to God and begged Him for wisdom as I had done so many other times previously regarding our friendship, and this time His answer was clear. He showed me that He had already answered me a few times over. He had closed the door on our friendship, and I kept banging it open. I didn't want to give up. I didn't understand how reconciliation would not happen. I could not grapple with the idea of losing someone I loved so very much. I was truly heartbroken. I felt defeated and like a complete failure.
At times looking back at it all, I still feel defeated, I still feel like a failure. I did learn through that situation though, that God does not always give us what we want. He gives us what we need.
In time, I understood why he took that special friend out of my life. I can't say He won't bring her back. I can hope He does. I can pray He does. However, at the end of the day, I have come to accept that what I thought I wanted, wasn't what I needed, and not getting what I wanted allowed me to be grateful for what He was going to give me instead. It was a hard lesson, but it's been one of the lessons the Lord has shown me that I can trust in the most.
So, what is that something, or someone you feel you need so bad? Can you trust that even if God doesn't give you that something or someone, that He will give you what you need? Can you let Him show you that that's what you really wanted all along?
I hope for your sake you can. This is a lesson I'm still learning and will be doing so until the day I die. It's not always easy. As a matter of fact, often times it's extremely hard and painful. Often times it will bring you to your knees, and draw the breath out of you. It will be difficult to let that something go. It will be agonizing to try and understand why you can't have it. I promise you this though, the joy of getting what you actually needed instead of what you wanted will far surpass that something you thought you wanted so desperately, and in time that thing God gave you instead, will be more precious to you than anything else in the world!